Exactly a year ago I left high school, let me tell you a
secret. Exactly a year ago I wanted to die. I’ve actually never told anyone
that before.
I hated high school because I also hated myself, I look back on these pictures and I don’t even recognise myself. It’s sad, knowing how lost I was. I read an old entry from my diary saying how id forgotten what it was like to be truly happy, a part of me wants to go back and give that version of me a hug.
Up until a few months ago I never really liked myself, Its crazy to think that as I look back on pictures from January and I don’t even recognise the girl ‘smiling’ in them.
I hated high school because I also hated myself, I look back on these pictures and I don’t even recognise myself. It’s sad, knowing how lost I was. I read an old entry from my diary saying how id forgotten what it was like to be truly happy, a part of me wants to go back and give that version of me a hug.
Up until a few months ago I never really liked myself, Its crazy to think that as I look back on pictures from January and I don’t even recognise the girl ‘smiling’ in them.
But currently I’ve been doing things I love, with people I love.
I am very content, I don’t have a reason to be sad, yet I find myself breaking
down in public. Fighting back tears and sitting in silence while I watch
everyone laughing and creating inside jokes.
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I’m a mess.
I was sat in my class the other day as we were on a break and everyone left the room but me and I burst into tears, no explanation, I was just sat there. Then I wanted to cry more because I didn’t know why I just did that but I had to fight the urge and just sit there.
It is the worst thing ever, one minute I’m happy, the next I want to crawl into a corner and cry till I’m okay.
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I’m a mess.
I was sat in my class the other day as we were on a break and everyone left the room but me and I burst into tears, no explanation, I was just sat there. Then I wanted to cry more because I didn’t know why I just did that but I had to fight the urge and just sit there.
It is the worst thing ever, one minute I’m happy, the next I want to crawl into a corner and cry till I’m okay.
Sometimes all I want is for someone just to hold me tight
and tell me that everything’s going to be okay.
That sounded like a song lyric haha, dropping out of college and becoming a songwriter. Boom. Sorted.
That sounded like a song lyric haha, dropping out of college and becoming a songwriter. Boom. Sorted.
This blog is like my secrets page, I never really feel like I’m
able to tell anyone this shit because it’s not something you just slip into
conversation, and nobody cares, but on here it’s like fuck you I’ll write what I
want. If you choose to read it then thanks?
I know I won’t get as bad I was last year, but I get scared
that I might. I have bad days, weeks, months. It’s like a cycle I never know
when it’s going to happen then boom they creep up on you and you find yourself
becoming a mess, ignoring the real world, hiding. It’ll pass soon, when this
one does I’ll be so fucking happy.
