Reality scares me.

If you say you don’t judge people I’m calling you a liar. Everyone judges everyone, we all know its wrong yet we do it anyway. It’s in our nature. Sometimes those judgments are correct, but they can also be wrong.

Someone, who 9 months ago if you’d have told me that id actually have a full conversation, get along with, actually like this person I would have laughed, told me something the other day which explained why they view a certain situation the way they do. It made me stop and think for a minute that even when we think we know people, we really don’t. Someone could tell you all their secrets but you still could not truly know them or why they act a certain way. It’s sad, but its reality.

I guess reality scares me a little because behind every person no matter how strong they may seem is someone or something tearing them apart and we never realise it.

I’ve been having quite a bad day today and not the ‘bad day’ where  everything goes wrong, but the ‘bad day’ you get when you fight so hard to be happy and some days no matter how hard you fight you will find yourself sat in your room crying. So I can’t stop thinking about the theory of how we never really know people. I also can’t stop thinking about how badly I wish I could have someone I could spontaneously message saying ‘Can I see you?’ then go crawl into their bed and just sulk and they wont question it, they’ll let me do it and surprisingly that would help me escape reality. I’ve only ever done the spontaneous ‘can I see you then crawl in your bed and sulk in silence but you won’t question it you’ll just let me do it’ once before and it was the nicest thing ever. Right now I need it. I need you. I needed you. You walked away. Like everyone else.

Everything that you’ve just read is what’s been on my mind for the past 24 hours. I can’t get it out, and I want it go away, I want to be okay. I was so happy the other day and now I don’t even want to speak to anyone.

Anyone got a bed I can crawl into while they let me sulk and not question it? Let me know thanks.