So,
Here I am, writing my first blog post that in my mind no one will read, and I guess nobody will read it. Somehow I’m okay with that. I make videos for the purpose of people to watch them and I like people to watch them, I created this blog because… well because I can.
Lately I’ve been feeling very… sad? Unsatisfied? Lost? Today was no different, except something about today made me change the way I thought about everything.
A few nights ago I awoke from a really bad dream, it involved people that make me angry just by thinking about them, but it also involved people whom I love dearly. In the dream I got very angry and got off a bus that I was traveling on and started running, I knew I had no destination, I knew I had no purpose, I just kept running. Something about the running made me feel, calm, free, empty. As if when I was running nothing else was happening.
Some may really analyse this as ‘oh my god she’s going to run away blah blah blah.’
Tonight I was ready to break down into tears when I got home, but to my surprise I had a job to do, leaving the task of breaking down till later, as I walked around the block where I live delivering papers to people who will be wondering why I’m so late, I started running, just for those few moments I felt the same way I did in my dream.
So I’ve decided I need to go on actual runs, to clear my head, I used to run the same last year but ended up stopping, not really sure why I stopped.
But my new goal is to run, I need to run.
That was only one part of today, the part that got me thinking but not what leaded me to making this blog. I’ve recently realised how annoyed I seem to be getting at the internet, and I don’t mean the internet itself. I don’t sit there in front of my sky box shouting at it to go faster. I mean sites such as ‘Facebook’ and ‘Twitter’ to which I spent hours on scrolling and finding myself getting more annoyed by the things I read, by the people I see, and for the stupidity that is on there, yes I am one of the stupid people among those sites. But soon enough I had logged out of both these sites and deleted them from my bookmarks bar, a task I felt happy about as it meant I didn’t have the urge to constantly check them every five seconds even though nothing new appears.
Here I am, writing my first blog post that in my mind no one will read, and I guess nobody will read it. Somehow I’m okay with that. I make videos for the purpose of people to watch them and I like people to watch them, I created this blog because… well because I can.
Lately I’ve been feeling very… sad? Unsatisfied? Lost? Today was no different, except something about today made me change the way I thought about everything.
A few nights ago I awoke from a really bad dream, it involved people that make me angry just by thinking about them, but it also involved people whom I love dearly. In the dream I got very angry and got off a bus that I was traveling on and started running, I knew I had no destination, I knew I had no purpose, I just kept running. Something about the running made me feel, calm, free, empty. As if when I was running nothing else was happening.
Some may really analyse this as ‘oh my god she’s going to run away blah blah blah.’
Tonight I was ready to break down into tears when I got home, but to my surprise I had a job to do, leaving the task of breaking down till later, as I walked around the block where I live delivering papers to people who will be wondering why I’m so late, I started running, just for those few moments I felt the same way I did in my dream.
So I’ve decided I need to go on actual runs, to clear my head, I used to run the same last year but ended up stopping, not really sure why I stopped.
But my new goal is to run, I need to run.
That was only one part of today, the part that got me thinking but not what leaded me to making this blog. I’ve recently realised how annoyed I seem to be getting at the internet, and I don’t mean the internet itself. I don’t sit there in front of my sky box shouting at it to go faster. I mean sites such as ‘Facebook’ and ‘Twitter’ to which I spent hours on scrolling and finding myself getting more annoyed by the things I read, by the people I see, and for the stupidity that is on there, yes I am one of the stupid people among those sites. But soon enough I had logged out of both these sites and deleted them from my bookmarks bar, a task I felt happy about as it meant I didn’t have the urge to constantly check them every five seconds even though nothing new appears.
It is not only the internet that is annoying me, for the
past few weeks I keep deeming my phone useless, I use it to check the time,
ring my mum, and occasionally text people asking them where they are in
college. Other than that? It’s a brick in my pocket, oh and it’s good for
taking photos. So for the past two days I’ve had it on airplane mode for about
70% of the day. I haven’t missed it when it has been on this setting, and I haven’t
missed out on anything important. I don’t think I could ever get rid of my
phone completely though because I’m reminded of how much I need it when I do
end up having those conversations on it that can go on for hours.
Amongst all this stuff I keep deleting from my life, I’ve
realised I don’t really do much. And this annoyed me. I’ve been reading a lot lately
and I guess that’s because fantasy’s better than reality... And I don’t have
anything better to do. So that leads me to why I created this blog, I’m bored
with my life and want to start something new. I created a blog. That’s new
right? And I want to actually spend my time doing something useful. Start
small, finish big right?
So I hope I haven’t bored you too much if you took the time to read this. But I hope this isn’t my last post and I hope that you maybe have some ideas for someone that wants something new?
So I hope I haven’t bored you too much if you took the time to read this. But I hope this isn’t my last post and I hope that you maybe have some ideas for someone that wants something new?
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Welcome to my brain.
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